Washington, D.C. – In what might be the most electrifying news of the year, FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) has launched an innovative program aimed at speeding up storm cleanup in areas hit hardest by recent hurricanes. The initiative? Providing residents with state-of-the-art, eco-friendly electric chainsaws.
“We believe in going green,” stated a FEMA spokesperson, barely containing a chuckle, “and what’s greener than using electric tools when you have no electricity?”
Local residents, who’ve been navigating life with generators and candles, expressed mixed feelings about FEMA’s gift. “At first, I thought it was a cruel practical joke,” said local resident Bob Johnson, holding his brand new, yet utterly useless, electric chainsaw. “But then I realized, maybe FEMA is just ahead of its time. Maybe they know something we don’t about when the power’s coming back?”
The initiative, dubbed “Operation Watt-less Wonder,” aims to reduce carbon footprints during cleanup, according to FEMA’s environmental impact report, which apparently overlooked the minor detail of requiring actual watts to operate these devices.
Environmental groups have applauded the move, albeit with a hint of confusion. “It’s a bold step towards sustainability,” said GreenPeace activist, Tara Evergreen. “Though, perhaps, someone should’ve brought up the small issue of power. But hey, positive thinking, right? Maybe they’ll all get solar panels next!”
FEMA’s decision-making process remains shrouded in mystery, but sources close to the agency suggest this might be an early Christmas present gone slightly awry. “There was a mix-up with the purchase orders,” an anonymous FEMA insider whispered. “Someone thought ‘electric’ meant ‘efficient’ without the ‘f.’ Now we’re all just waiting to see how this plays out.”
In response to the backlash, FEMA has promised to look into the situation. “We’re investigating the possibility of providing extension cords that reach the nearest powered town,” the spokesperson added, trying to keep a straight face. “Or maybe we’ll just swap them for manual saws. You know, old school.”
As communities continue to clear debris by hand, one thing is clear: FEMA’s approach to emergency relief has certainly sparked a lot of conversation, if not much else.
Stay tuned for more updates on this electrifying story, or perhaps, for news on when those solar panels might actually arrive.